Losing Half, Gaining More

I just put up a post on my other (non-weight loss) blog about menu planning and the cooking I did this weekend, but I wanted to go into a bit more depth around it here.

Do you ever feel obsessed? With food, nutrition, organic, contents, ingredients…it’s a neverending list. Most overweight people that I speak with have so much knowledge about nutrition and how we should be eating, we just hit the roadblock in actually applying it to what is going into our mouths. (Raise your hand if you’ve ever said, “I know what I should do to lose weight – I just don’t do it!”)

I’m sort of over feeling obsessed. Especially because I think a big part of it is related to what other people think about what we’re eating – in restaurants, when I give my kids snacks at the park or playdates, what’s in my shopping cart at the grocery store…I’m OVER that feeling.  Yes, of course, I want(and need) to eat in a more healthy manner. I also need to just eat less in general – regardless of what food I am eating.

When I really think about it, the worst things that I eat happen when I don’t have “good” things at home and go eat out. I obsess about having perfect food in the house, then don’t want to eat what we have and go out and eat complete junk. When I have relatively healthy things that I enjoy and can eat in moderation at home – this is the time that I take care of myself the best. I eat normal serving sizes. I don’t feel deprived. I don’t feel obsessed about everything that is or is not going into my mouth.

So, I decided this weekend to stop obsessing about having only {expensive} organic meat in the house and therefore not buying it much. Only organic produce, only organic snacks, etc. Yes, I do feel strongly that eating organic is the option I’d choose if I had all of the money in the world to spend. But, I don’t.  So we’re(we being both of my selves;) meeting in the middle more and I’m relaxing a bit and I already feel so much better. I ate like a normal person this weekend(including a bologna sandwich on white bread – not the norm, but a much appreciated treat in this house and I counted the points).

When I stop obsessing, it’s like letting out a deep breath that I’ve been holding for a long time. It allows me to just cook some meals that I know we enjoy and have them in the freezer for easy dinners. It allows me to stop framing the meals that I’m planning in the sense of, “what would other people think of this meal” and lets me just choose things that I know we enjoy rather than what I “think” we should be eating.

Everything in moderation, even if it’s not perfect. I can definitely live with that.

p.s. That white bread? So not happening again any time soon. It was like eating air – didn’t fill me up in any way and so not worth the calories!

For the record, I didn’t eat a single piece of candy when we celebrated Halloween on Friday(a party and Trick or Treating). I knew if I started with even one, it would be all over. Thankfully, the little bees were tuckered out after only a few houses and didn’t get much loot as far as candy – that was nice. They did get a full size Crunch bar, though. So instead of a ton of little pieces here and there, I ate an entire Crunch bar on Saturday, enjoyed it and moved on. Progress. This is progress chugging right along on the journey everyone! Weigh in is tonight. I haven’t done so great this week, so I won’t be surprised if the scale reflects that.

I had no intentions of sharing recipes on this blog, but this salad was yummy, so I thought I’d share. Especially since it’s not a “recipe,” but just a bunch of ingredients thrown together in a salad. It’s what I had around, so I thought I’d try it and it turned out to be a really great combo.

The Components:

• 1+cup baby spinach
• 1+cup arugula
• 1/8 cup sliced almonds
• 1/8 cup dried cherries
• 1/8 cup crumbled Gorgonzola cheese
• 2t red wine vinegar
• 1t olive oil

WW Points: 6

I didn’t have any mushrooms, but portabello mushrooms would have made a really fantastic earthy and mellow addition of texture to the flavors without a ton of calories/points.

I meant to take a picture to add, but I ate it and forgot.

Isn’t it silly how motivating it can be to have something new? Shiny new sneakers are just the ticket for me. I got my old sneakers 4 years ago in what feels like another lifetime – before marriage, babies, new houses, living across the country. They didn’t see nearly enough love and use, but after 4 years, I think it was still officially time to let them retire.

I took about 10 pictures until it dawned on me that it just *might* be a bit easier to take a picture of them OFF my feet…Internet Folks, she’s not always as bright as she looks;) (Just kidding – I blame this sort of “incident” directly on having kids!)
So here’s my pic of my new sneaks. Feel free to judge my mess in the background – it’s a basically perfect representation of my day-to-day life right now:)

I had to buy these shoes in a 9.5. When I got married 3+ years ago, my feet were a size 7.5/8. After I had my 2 year old, they went to more of an 8.5/9. Now I’m well into the 9/9.5 range. I can’t help but wonder how much of that is pregnancy related and how much is the constant weight of my body on my feet. Thought I weigh a lot, I’m not an inherently large person. I’m not tiny by any means, but I do always fit so much better in Women’s Petite sized clothing if I can find it(hardly ever). I’m 5′3.” Even at 260-something lbs, my wedding rings are a size 5.5 and 6. So it just makes me wonder how much of my feet getting big is just the constant swelling and pressure on them and just a general spread to continue to support the weight of my body. One more reason to get this weight off ! If it’s pressure on my feet, the pressure is also felt everywhere else – my joints, my knees, my heart, my lungs – the list could go on and on!

On a not-weight-loss-or-health-related note – can you see the globe in the background of that picture? My Mother-In-Law brought it over on Tuesday as a leftover remnant from finally re-doing my husband’s childhood bedroom. The kids LOVE it, but I had to look a little – you know it’s as old as we are because it has the Soviet Union and Zaire and a split Germany. I’ve been going on circles about how appropriate it is for them to have an incorrect globe? They won’t be able to read for at least a few years, so now it’s just outlines and geographic representations. And globes are just so fun. Maybe a good compromise would be to get a new globe, too, so that when they really start learning it will give us an opportunity to throw some history in, too? I don’t know – just thinking out loud!

2 Questions:

1. What would you do(if anything) on the globe situation?

2. I need new workout clothes that aren’t going to cost me $100 for 1 pair of pants and half of a tiny t-shirt I could never wear in public. In plus sizes. Not from Old Navy. Any suggestions for places to shop? I’m sick of feeling like a slob in workout clothes!

1. I lost 1.8lbs! YAY that felt great! Especially since it was my first loss in 5 weeks!

2. Today is my birthday – my own mental mark for the “start” of my goal of losing 100lbs in 2 years by my 30th birthday(the reason I started this blog). It has been a year very full of living, so I thought I’d share a bit more just in case you don’t know me in real life and you’re reading this.

Since my last birthday:

• I started(well, Aug 08) and closed an online store(closed because it was keeping me so busy – sounds weird, but it was just too much and not enough return for the time it was taking from my family)
• We moved across the country from CO to PA
• We lived in my parents’ basement with the husband and a toddler for 5 months while house hunting
• My dad had surgery for prostate cancer and had a heart attack while in the hospital for his surgery(and is now doing very well)
• We bought our first house!
• We moved into our first house.
• We ad a new baby a week later(and all of the above included hyperemesis until about 30 weeks of pregnancy and after that still regular nausea on a daily basis until he was born)
• A 2nd Birthday for my Big Girl

All of that in addition to our normal daily life. My heart and hands have been so blessed and so very full. It’s been a lot and a big part of me needing to lost weight is also me needing to focus on taking care of myself in general. Along with that has been a big swing of gain and loss. I started my pregnancy in the summer of 2008 at 264lbs. I got as low as about 235lbs. while I was pregnant because of being so sick, then by the time I delivered him(March 29, 2009) I was hovering back around 260lbs. Withing a month(end of April 2009), I was down to 237.4 when I officially started tracking my weight for Weight Watchers again. In the 6 months since then, I’m back up to close to the 265 mark. Oy.

WHAT HAVE  I BEEN DOING TO MYSELF? Seriously! I had basically the same pattern of gain/loss/gain when I was pregnant with my daughter and wound up having to have my gallbladder removed 3 months after she was born!

This is all what lead up to starting this blog. Getting down to business. Setting concrete goals for myself. 28 is going to be GREAT:) I started my day with a rainy trip to the market for a treat bagel and light cream cheese and iced coffee for breakfast, some yummy fingerling potatoes and turnips to roast and some tuna/artichoke/capers/lemon(no mayo) tuna salad for lunch. Not entirely sure that it’s low-cal, but it’s certainly nutritious and better for me than what my previous normal go-to “treat” of McD’s would have been!

This week I will: {My Goals for the Healthy You Challenge Check In}

• Write down every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.
• Go for a walk in the neighborhood twice.
• Go for a family weekend walk again.
• Go to the gym for at least 45 minutes twice.
• Buy myself some much needed new running shoes. I’ve had the same pair for almost 4 years…for real. They still look like they’re in good shape because they’ve gotten such little love, but I think that even with little love it’s time to retire them and get a new pair!

My Major Goals For the Next Year:

• Run at least one 5k
• Lose 50lbs(hopefully more, but I’m trying to be realistic and 1lb a week is slow, steady, attainable loss).

We seriously need to do this more! It was a gorgeous fall day on Sunday and it was so nice to get outside together. This is my favorite sort of exercise and, sadly, I don’t even slightly do enough of it. It’s kind of sad, but during the week I’m always really hesitant to take the kids out by myself on a walk like this. The paths are desolate and I *know* nothing would happen, but it’s still sort of unnerving. I try really hard not to let anxiety get the best of my in parenting, but this is one instance where I can’t shake it, which is sad because increased exercise of any kind would be a huge improvement for me. For now, though, we’ll stick to walks in the neighborhood when we’re not all together – that’s definitely something more than nothing!

And we didn’t forget the little one – he was just in his own happy spot:

And alive. Oy – being sick knocked me OUT! Thanks for all of the well wishes and encouragement on my lack of motivation post. It’s so fantastic to hear and see so many stories of success with running and it’s officially encouraging me to investigate some spring/summer/fall 2010 5k options so that I can get signed up and commit SOON.

Tonight is my weigh in/meeting and tomorrow is the official “start” date that I intended  for myself since it’s the official mark of 2 years to my 30th birthday. I’ll report back on my loss and meeting later!

I posted yesterday that I was just feeling icky, unmotivated, like I was getting sick. I was – I have strep throat. I didn’t go to Weight Watchers to weigh in last night because I wanted to do nothing but lay in bed and stare at the wall by the time my husband got home and it was time for our meeting. I’m hoping that with antibiotics I’ll be feeling a lot better in a day or two and I will go to a Friday or Saturday morning meeting. Popsicles, gingerale and tea are all doing very little to help the pain that makes me wince every time I try to swallow, but it sure might help to move the scale a little bit this week;)

Days like today are the reason that I started this blog in the first place.

• The days when I felt like I’m getting back to my usual(let’s call them OLD for the sake of positivity)habits.
• Days where I wake up exhausted, with a sore throat and headache and a progressing cold and just want to sit on the couch and do nothing. My body is aching from being sick. {PLEASE don’t let it be the flu – I don’t want my little ones to get the flu}
• I wind up completely checking out of life.
• I get nothing done around the house.
• I spend WAY too much time online.
• I eat like crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap – junk, and too much of it.

I’ve spent entirely too many days of my life living like this(aside from the being sick part). There’s always a reason – I don’t feel well, I’m tired, I don’t feel motivated…the list goes on. The fact is, if I just get off of my rump and decide DO something, it’s amazing how easy it is to simply make a different choice. Same starting situation – different outcome. By choice.

So far today, I have:

• Stuck with hot tea and honey instead of grabbing things to eat while I relax.
• I did eat some light ice cream this morning as a snack, but I actually measured the portion and counted the points.
• I’ve done laundry, cleaned the kitchen and picked up a decent amount. I had so much on my list of things I wanted to accomplish this week, but I don’t think today is going to be the day that I make a huge dent in it.
• Even though I feel exhausted(you know that feeling – cloudy head, someone is sitting on your chest making it hard to breathe, your muscles are so sore and achy and making you want to just put your head down for a nap), we’re at least going for a short walk today. Even if it’s just to the park to let the kids play and get some fresh air.
• I’m definitely, DEFINITELY taking a nap with the 2 year old when she lays down if I can get the baby to nap at the same time.
• Soup for lunch and for dinner. Definitely on that one.

It’s all about the choices. As I was reading Marisa @ Trim The Fat’s post recapping the 5K she ran over the weekend, I was so delighted to hear the way she described it. She had icky, rainy, gloomy weather. She had a really hard time at the beginning of the race. But, she also describes it with so much amusement! She would up with a POLICE ESCORT! And she had so many people there to cheer her on! And won an award!! Best of all – she didn’t quit. I love that! The weather alone would have been such a deterrent for me and she not only finished, she ran the whole thing. Color me impressed! Go Marisa!! My favorite part is where she says,

• “It’s a great feeling to push yourself to do something and then do it.  It made me realize that the only thing stopping me from accomplishing something is ME.  Now, I know that I can do anything I set my mind to.  It’s a good feeling and I came out of the race feeling…knowing…that I will get to goal and keep this weight off for a lifetime ”

You see, one of my biggest Fitness Fantasies is just being able to run. Sounds goofy, right? What kind of fantasy is that? Slap on some sneakers and get running! It’s just never been that easy for me. It’s 150% mental. I’m well aware of that. I know, somewhere deep inside, that I’m perfectly capable of running, but I think it’s the perfectionist that gets me. Any time I’ve actually run in my life has been when I’ve been in shape(high school) and working out regularly and even then I was always the last one in the pack, huffing along. It’s this silly concept that I need to be GREAT at it. That concept has everything to do with comparing. Comparing times, capabilities, endurance. If I get myself running, who on earth cares how I compare to anyone else?? Certainly not anyone else! The hugest accomplishment at that point would be me actually starting!! The idea of doing something like a 5K and finishing, even in very last place, is so incredible that I can’t even fathom how proud I would be. How proud I WILL be. Because the only thing stopping me from putting my shoes on and getting myself moving is ME.

When I really think about it, if I mirror the food I feed my 2 year old and give myself the same – I would totally lose weight and have a much healthier diet. Seriously. This little one lives on: Yogurt, Eggs, Cheese, Whole Wheat(or some sort of whole grain)Toast, Oatmeal, Peanut Butter, Fruit of any kind, Cottage Cheese, Chicken, fresh/raw veggies, Cheerios and a popsicle thrown in here and there. Obviously she eats more than just that stuff, but those are our go-to foods for her. Why am I not just feeding myself the same things that I always have around??

I wander into the kitchen mindlessly opening the fridge for something to eat and never grab the healthy options right in front of me. In the past week (or so) I’ve started grabbing these things and it’s coinciding with more exercise to create the week that I’ve felt better and more energetic than I have in literally YEARS.

Things I’ve started to grab when I want to shove something in my mouth:

-Baby Carrots

-Celery

-Pepper Strips

-A banana

-An apple

-A yogurt

Seriously, the only thing on that list that I was really eating before is the apple. I have texture issues sometimes, so I just didn’t love to eat a banana or yogurt. WHATEVER. I just told myself to get the heck over it and deal with the texture so that I’m not dealing with the “texture” of cottage cheese on my arse as a result of liking the “texture” of a McD’s cheeseburger and french fries more than a banana. Plus, it’s cheaper and I don’t have to waste gas driving to get a banana since it’s already in my kitchen.

Lesson learned.