Losing Half, Gaining More

For the record, I didn’t eat a single piece of candy when we celebrated Halloween on Friday(a party and Trick or Treating). I knew if I started with even one, it would be all over. Thankfully, the little bees were tuckered out after only a few houses and didn’t get much loot as far as candy – that was nice. They did get a full size Crunch bar, though. So instead of a ton of little pieces here and there, I ate an entire Crunch bar on Saturday, enjoyed it and moved on. Progress. This is progress chugging right along on the journey everyone! Weigh in is tonight. I haven’t done so great this week, so I won’t be surprised if the scale reflects that.

We seriously need to do this more! It was a gorgeous fall day on Sunday and it was so nice to get outside together. This is my favorite sort of exercise and, sadly, I don’t even slightly do enough of it. It’s kind of sad, but during the week I’m always really hesitant to take the kids out by myself on a walk like this. The paths are desolate and I *know* nothing would happen, but it’s still sort of unnerving. I try really hard not to let anxiety get the best of my in parenting, but this is one instance where I can’t shake it, which is sad because increased exercise of any kind would be a huge improvement for me. For now, though, we’ll stick to walks in the neighborhood when we’re not all together – that’s definitely something more than nothing!

And we didn’t forget the little one – he was just in his own happy spot:

I’ve been stalling on starting this blog.

First it was because I couldn’t(and still can’t!) get my template to install correctly.

Then it was because I needed to read and read and read other weight loss blogs.

Then it was because….I don’t even know. Except, I do. I HAVE to accept this and move forward. I want to do it positively and with joy as much as possible. It’s going to be a hard journey, but the rewards will be so much greater. So while I paused to consider eating at McD’s “one more time” this morning, I thought about having that much more to lost and stopped.

That’s where I think I’ll start.

Instead of going to McD’s(with a baby who needs a nap and a toddler with a cold, both who don’t need to go anywhere!), I started catching up on some blogs. As I was reading, I came across this post by Diane at Fit To the Finish and something in these words just touched me:

“Day after day I found myself uncovering forgotten willpower, lost self esteem, and hidden abilities. With each reclaimed ability my fat suit got a little less puffy. Even before I had lost all 150 pounds, I was able to reveal more and more of myself. I learned that even when I was all covered in fat I was the same Diane I had always been. It was a bittersweet lesson to learn, because I grieved for the missed  opportunities.  Part of the uncovering process was accepting what I had missed, and promising myself to miss no more.”
So, this is it. The part where I start to document my journey. I’m over wasting time worrying about my appearance, feeling like a slob, catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and feeling ashamed, not doing things because I don’t want to see someone I know who I haven’t seen in years, having hardly any pictures of myself with my husband and kids and family and friends because I can’t bear to look at them and I can’t bear for anyone else to even possibly see them…and so on and so on it goes as I’ve continued this upward spiral. I don’t want to miss out on a second more of the things I want to do in life.

Here’s my first attempt at stepping outside the comfort zone – a picture of me with my kids. Posted publicly for all of the world to see. The face that I don’t have many more pictures of these is just one more reason to get myself healthier.

Happy and comfortable with the two littlest ones who love me for me and don’t even have a concept of judging someone because of what they look like.