Losing Half, Gaining More

I am majorly in need of more exercise in my life. I need it for weight loss, but I need it so much more for my mental health. Why is it that we spend so much time and energy on the things that aren’t good for us and avoiding the things that we know will make us feel good? Eating a bit less…getting out for a walk…Taking an extra 15 minutes to spending quietly…taking a few extra deep breaths…

I’m realizing more and more that so many things are tied to this all or nothing obsession with things being perfect. This applies so much to exercise. I have this idea in my mind that I need to run and I need to do intense workouts and it all just seems so overwhelming. So what do I do? Nothing! Literally. Yes, I do need the big workouts. But I also need ANY movement of my body!

So, as I was blog hopping, I found this post by simpledaisy and this quote really sparked something for me:

“A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.” ~ Paul Dudley White

SO TRUE. So so so true. I love the word “vigorous” in there. It conveys strength and energy and just taking a huge deep breath – all of the things that we need to gain from exercise and using our bodies. I spend my time not exercising and not just moving my body nearly enough out of the {ridiculous} fear of not being capable of doing the unrealistic goals I have in my mind when I could simply be taking a walk daily and doing something more than nothing!

So, I’m setting a goal of getting out for a walk every single day. Even if it’s 10 minutes to take my kids to the park and back or just go around the block, it will be fresh air and good for me mentally and physically. Plus, we all know that the biggest challenge is taking the first step. Getting out there every day inevitably leads to increasingly more steps and more energy and it can just potentially snowball from there into incredible workouts.

First, though, I just need to go for a walk. One step at a time.

1. I lost 1.8lbs! YAY that felt great! Especially since it was my first loss in 5 weeks!

2. Today is my birthday – my own mental mark for the “start” of my goal of losing 100lbs in 2 years by my 30th birthday(the reason I started this blog). It has been a year very full of living, so I thought I’d share a bit more just in case you don’t know me in real life and you’re reading this.

Since my last birthday:

• I started(well, Aug 08) and closed an online store(closed because it was keeping me so busy – sounds weird, but it was just too much and not enough return for the time it was taking from my family)
• We moved across the country from CO to PA
• We lived in my parents’ basement with the husband and a toddler for 5 months while house hunting
• My dad had surgery for prostate cancer and had a heart attack while in the hospital for his surgery(and is now doing very well)
• We bought our first house!
• We moved into our first house.
• We ad a new baby a week later(and all of the above included hyperemesis until about 30 weeks of pregnancy and after that still regular nausea on a daily basis until he was born)
• A 2nd Birthday for my Big Girl

All of that in addition to our normal daily life. My heart and hands have been so blessed and so very full. It’s been a lot and a big part of me needing to lost weight is also me needing to focus on taking care of myself in general. Along with that has been a big swing of gain and loss. I started my pregnancy in the summer of 2008 at 264lbs. I got as low as about 235lbs. while I was pregnant because of being so sick, then by the time I delivered him(March 29, 2009) I was hovering back around 260lbs. Withing a month(end of April 2009), I was down to 237.4 when I officially started tracking my weight for Weight Watchers again. In the 6 months since then, I’m back up to close to the 265 mark. Oy.

WHAT HAVE  I BEEN DOING TO MYSELF? Seriously! I had basically the same pattern of gain/loss/gain when I was pregnant with my daughter and wound up having to have my gallbladder removed 3 months after she was born!

This is all what lead up to starting this blog. Getting down to business. Setting concrete goals for myself. 28 is going to be GREAT:) I started my day with a rainy trip to the market for a treat bagel and light cream cheese and iced coffee for breakfast, some yummy fingerling potatoes and turnips to roast and some tuna/artichoke/capers/lemon(no mayo) tuna salad for lunch. Not entirely sure that it’s low-cal, but it’s certainly nutritious and better for me than what my previous normal go-to “treat” of McD’s would have been!

This week I will: {My Goals for the Healthy You Challenge Check In}

• Write down every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.
• Go for a walk in the neighborhood twice.
• Go for a family weekend walk again.
• Go to the gym for at least 45 minutes twice.
• Buy myself some much needed new running shoes. I’ve had the same pair for almost 4 years…for real. They still look like they’re in good shape because they’ve gotten such little love, but I think that even with little love it’s time to retire them and get a new pair!

My Major Goals For the Next Year:

• Run at least one 5k
• Lose 50lbs(hopefully more, but I’m trying to be realistic and 1lb a week is slow, steady, attainable loss).

I posted yesterday that I was just feeling icky, unmotivated, like I was getting sick. I was – I have strep throat. I didn’t go to Weight Watchers to weigh in last night because I wanted to do nothing but lay in bed and stare at the wall by the time my husband got home and it was time for our meeting. I’m hoping that with antibiotics I’ll be feeling a lot better in a day or two and I will go to a Friday or Saturday morning meeting. Popsicles, gingerale and tea are all doing very little to help the pain that makes me wince every time I try to swallow, but it sure might help to move the scale a little bit this week;)

Stats on the Progress page(I added measurements – should have started that when I initially started the info, but oh well!). I’m up 1.2lbs this week and I’m actually ok with it. I know that I wasn’t as careful as I need to be about my portions and keeping track of what I was eating. I’m also really proud of myself because although I didn’t lose on the scale, I have so many positives about the past week!

• I went to a wedding and actually made conscious decisions about the food I chose.
• I joined the gym and actually went!
• I didn’t eat fast food once. I don’t think I even went through a drive-thru window(except maybe Starbucks for a Sugar-Free/Fat-Free Cinnamon Dolce Latte;).
• I got myself a few new sports bras and t-shirts to stay motivated and not feel slobbish going to the gym(so that I can’t use that as an excuse!).
• Oh, yeah – and I started this blog!! Can I please just state for the record how much I can’t believe I was missing out on in the blogging world?? There are so so so many amazing and inspiring weight loss blogs out there and I am so glad I started searching around for them. It’s such incredible motivation and support to see how many other people are on a similar journey!
• I’m committing to signing up today for the FitBloggin Conference in March. I know I’ve just started with this blog, but this will be one more source of inspiration and something to look forward to. Anyone else already making plans to be there?

All of this and I don’t even feel completely overwhelmed – I call that a successful week!

I’ve been stalling on starting this blog.

First it was because I couldn’t(and still can’t!) get my template to install correctly.

Then it was because I needed to read and read and read other weight loss blogs.

Then it was because….I don’t even know. Except, I do. I HAVE to accept this and move forward. I want to do it positively and with joy as much as possible. It’s going to be a hard journey, but the rewards will be so much greater. So while I paused to consider eating at McD’s “one more time” this morning, I thought about having that much more to lost and stopped.

That’s where I think I’ll start.

Instead of going to McD’s(with a baby who needs a nap and a toddler with a cold, both who don’t need to go anywhere!), I started catching up on some blogs. As I was reading, I came across this post by Diane at Fit To the Finish and something in these words just touched me:

“Day after day I found myself uncovering forgotten willpower, lost self esteem, and hidden abilities. With each reclaimed ability my fat suit got a little less puffy. Even before I had lost all 150 pounds, I was able to reveal more and more of myself. I learned that even when I was all covered in fat I was the same Diane I had always been. It was a bittersweet lesson to learn, because I grieved for the missed  opportunities.  Part of the uncovering process was accepting what I had missed, and promising myself to miss no more.”
So, this is it. The part where I start to document my journey. I’m over wasting time worrying about my appearance, feeling like a slob, catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and feeling ashamed, not doing things because I don’t want to see someone I know who I haven’t seen in years, having hardly any pictures of myself with my husband and kids and family and friends because I can’t bear to look at them and I can’t bear for anyone else to even possibly see them…and so on and so on it goes as I’ve continued this upward spiral. I don’t want to miss out on a second more of the things I want to do in life.

Here’s my first attempt at stepping outside the comfort zone – a picture of me with my kids. Posted publicly for all of the world to see. The face that I don’t have many more pictures of these is just one more reason to get myself healthier.

Happy and comfortable with the two littlest ones who love me for me and don’t even have a concept of judging someone because of what they look like.